Though both were only 22 years old and had just graduated from college, they decided to marry after two years of dating, hoping to spend the rest of their lives together.
However, within weeks after their wedding, Salmah found herself spending hours alone while her husband searched for a steady job. She sought solace from Amirul but he often came home frustrated with the unfruitful day he had.
Few months later, their financial situation got worse and after two tumultuous years together, the young couple split up.
Unfortunately, such stories are not uncommon as more and more couples are getting divorced in Malaysia each year.
According to statistics, the overall divorce rate among Malaysians within the first five years of marriages is an astounding 33.9 per cent, followed by 26.5 per cent for those married within six to 10 years.
A high portion of this percentage comprises divorces among Muslim couples in the country.
The total number of Muslim divorces in Sarawak rose from 486 in 2000 to 1,076 in 2008 — a 45 per cent hike which is a cause for alarm.
Assistant Minister in the Chief Minister’s Department (Islamic Affairs) Datuk Daud Abdul Rahman pointed out that while the exact cause is not known, the large number of Muslim divorce cases could be attributed to members of the community getting married at a very young age.
He said getting hitched may be easy for some people but once reality sets in, a lot of them may not be able to discharge their responsibilities as husband or wife.
“So they sought the easiest way out by breaking up. That should not be the case,” Daud said, revealing most of the divorce cases involved people in their 20’s who were without regular jobs.
He added that while couples saw divorce as the easy way out, they often disregarded one very important issue which is the subsequent implications a broken marriage would have on society, especially for the divorcees with children.
Minister in the Chief Minister’s Office, Datin Fatimah Abdullah, also expressed concern over the alarming divorce rate among Muslims and shared the same sentiments as Daud.
“We did a study on this and one of the conclusions was that they married young and were not financially, mentally, socially and emotionally prepared to assume the big responsibility as husband and wife or even as father and mother to their children.”
On what could be done to tackle the issue, she stressed a couple should be prepared for all aspects of married life.
“We have to look at it holistically and I believe in educating our children at a very young age. As parents, we bring up our children and prepare them for their future. I always share with women that they must also educate their sons to be responsible men when they grow up. When they are young, teach them to respect their family so that later on when they get married, they will respect their spouse,” she said.
Besides the financial, social and emotional aspects, Fatimah believed divorce cases not only affected the spouses but also their children, who are most likely to suffer during the interim period.
“Those who divorced within the first five years of their marriage, if they had a child, he or she would be about five years old or below. These are the formative years — and pre-school children still need their parents.
“When the parents divorced, we can see how it impacts the children and sometimes they get very bitter. The mere mention of their father creates such bitterness from them and this is not good as it creates bitter individuals,” she added.
Azman Kaderi, a lecturer in psychology at a local college, concurred that married couples today faced many challenges and setbacks.
“Couples nowadays are greatly influenced by idealistic love, which I believe is greatly influenced by Hollywood movies and the western media. They enter married life with strong, passionate feelings for one another, forgetting that besides love, there must also be commitment and hard work by both parties.
“Without commitment to one another, marriage is certainly challenging, and for a lot of couples, they get frustrated and seek divorce as their one way out”.
Azman said communication is also key to a happy marriage.
“Married life involves sharing, so couples have to come to an agreement on division of labour. For instance, they should come to an understanding on who pays for certain bills, who picks up the children from school and so on.
“Through communication and little gestures, there is a sense of content from both parties.”
The growing number of divorce cases among Muslim couples has also led to various efforts by government agencies to deal with the problem.
The State Religious Department (JAIS) has been conducting pre-marriage courses and seminars for would-be brides and bridegrooms.
Kindergarten teacher Damya Hannah, who recently attended the course, told thesundaypost the two-day course covered various topics, including how to meet responsibilities as a husband or a wife as well as handle things such as health, pregnancy, stress, financial situations and even the process of divorce.
“However, I think JAIS should make it compulsory for couples to attend the course because when I registered, my fiancé and I were given a choice to either attend the course, or take up a test which I find did not impart on lessons to couples as the questions were mostly on religions with very few on practicalities of life after marriage,” she said.
Fatimah suggested making it mandatory for pre-marriage courses to include topics on “practical things in life”.
“Besides addressing topics from the religious point of view, the course should also touch on dealing with everyday life and day-to-day skills to give the future husband and wife a mental image and prepare for what married life entails,” she said.
“Today’s women are no longer full-time housewives as they have their own careers. Therefore, both should accommodate each other to ensure stability and cohesiveness in the family.”
Tupong assemblyman Datuk Daud Abdul Rahman yesterday described speculation that he will not be re-nominated in the coming polls as “the work of an opportunist.”
